The Advice shared by A Father That Helped Us as a Brand-New Dad

"In my view I was simply just surviving for a year."

Ex- reality TV personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the difficulties of becoming a dad.

But the truth quickly turned out to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health complications during the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver while also caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I handled all the nights, every nappy change… each outing. The role of both parents," Ryan shared.

Following 11 months he burnt out. That was when a conversation with his own dad, on a public seat, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The simple statement "You're not in a good place. You must get assistance. How can I support you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and start recovering.

His experience is far from unique, but rarely discussed. Although people is now better used to addressing the strain on mums and about post-natal depression, less is said about the challenges dads go through.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan feels his challenges are part of a broader reluctance to talk among men, who often internalise negative perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and doesn't fall time and again."

"It isn't a show of being weak to ask for help. I failed to do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, notes men often don't want to accept they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - particularly ahead of a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental well-being is just as important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the space to request a pause - going on a couple of days abroad, separate from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he had to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states as well as the practical tasks of taking care of a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she needed" -holding her hand and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That realisation has changed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will help his son better understand the vocabulary of emotion and interpret his parenting choices.

The concept of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked consistent male guidance. Even with having an "amazing" bond with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences meant his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says repressing feelings caused him to make "bad choices" when younger to change how he was feeling, finding solace in alcohol and substances as a way out from the anguish.

"You gravitate to behaviours that are harmful," he says. "They can briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will eventually make things worse."

Advice for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - when you are overwhelmed, speak to a trusted person, your other half or a professional what you're going through. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the pursuits that helped you to feel like you before the baby arrived. Examples include playing sport, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - eating well, getting some exercise and where possible, sleep, all contribute in how your emotional health is faring.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - hearing about their journeys, the messy ones, and also the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Know that asking for help is not failure - taking care of your own well-being is the best way you can care for your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the passing, having had no contact with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead give the security and nurturing he lacked.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the emotions constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men because they acknowledged their pain, altered how they communicate, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I said, at times I believe my role is to teach and advise you what to do, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I'm learning as much as you are in this journey."